Asano Comes To Play
by who tf knows
Summary: The principal forces Asano to transfer into class 3-E. The End class. Whatever he was expecting, it surely wasn't a giant yellow balloon, english lessons on flirting and a PE class where he gets his ass handed to him. ONESHOT karmagisa bamf!Nagisa bc reasons (now continued by jessng on ao3 pls read)


**Heyo!**

 **Summary: The principal forces Asano to transfer into class 3-E. The End class. Whatever he was expecting, it surely wasn't a giant yellow balloon, english lessons on flirting and a PE class where he gets his ass handed to him.**

 **Word count: 3006**

 **Pairings: Karmagisa**

 **Warnings: I think I said fuck like once. Also, even though the story is written in 3rd person, it's from Asano's perspective (most of the time) so Bitch-sensei is Jelavic-sensei because that's probably what he would think to call her.**

 **—**

"Y-you can't!"

"I am."

Asano stared at his father in shock. So he lost one, maybe _two_ bets with the goddamn E class - now he _gets transferred?!_

No. He wasn't hearing this.

"I have the highest grades in the year! I do not fit the _qualifications_ of the E class!" He reasoned, confident that this argument would allow him to win.

"Ah, but you forget," the principal smiled mockingly, "delinquents and trouble-makers also belong there."

Asano took a step back, gritting his teeth and cursing his father with everything he had.

"So I think you'll find, the E class is exactly where you belong."

That was that.

No arguments.

Gakushu Asano was going to the E class.

—

"Before you enter the E class, there are a few things you should know," Karasuma-sensei warned.

Asano smiled. _I knew E class was hiding something.._

Karasuma handed him a sheet of paper with a picture of a weird yellow octopus-thing, and the words ' _Assassination Target.'_

"…What?" Asano was confused. _This_ was the big secret? An _anime character?_

"This is your homeroom teacher, and your assassination target," Karasuma-sensei deadpanned, "you now share the mission of class 3-E. To assassinate him before March next year. A ten billion yen reward goes to whoever does."

"What happens in March next year?" Asano asked, still not sure if he believed what the teacher was telling him.

"He will obliterate the Earth, just like he did the moon."

Asano looked up at him in shock. No way this was happening. How could something like this even exist?

"Aw, Karasuma, give the kid a break, it's a lot to take in," Jelavic-sensei giggled.

Asano cleared his throat slightly and shook his head. "No, I'm fine. This should be interesting."

After all, he was above those E class losers. There was no way any of them would serve as hindrances, much less _competition._

Karasuma took Asano to class and opened the door, he stepped aside and let the boy walk inside.

Koro-sensei saw the 3-A student behind Karasuma-sensei and panicked, he tried to make himself look more humanoid but he ended up putting his prosthetic nose on upside-down and his skin turned an alarming shade of purple.

"Eeh? He's not as yellow as his pictures," Asano commented snidely, keeping his haughty exterior.

There was a moment of silence.

"And you're not as interesting as your reputation, your point?" Karma smirked, having caught onto the situation.

Asano scowled at him, but remained silent.

"Are you kidding? _He's_ the new student?" Terasaka protested "I thought it was going to be another assassin!"

"Why? You're already good enough," Karasuma stated, and the class smiled.

Asano rolled his eyes, they may be delinquents, but he knew they had no order, no form. He had been trained in boxing and karate from a young age.

"Here is your knife," Karasuma handed over a green rubber dagger, "and you can find other things in the PE storeroom. There you will also find a PE uniform in your size."

Asano touched at tip of the knife and bent it back. "You call this a blade? It can't kill anything!" He complained.

"Actually Asano-kun," Koro-sensei corrected, "it is made from anti-sensei material, so it can kill me. Good luck!"

Asano shrugged and thrust the dagger in Koro-sensei's direction, confident that he had landed a mortal blow.

"You'll have to be quicker than that Former-Virtuoso-kun," Karma mocked.

He whirled around to see that Koro-sensei was holding the knife in a tissue, munching on a foreign sweet.

"You were so slow I had time to fly to Australia for a lamington," Koro-sensei boasted, green lines painted across his face, "you have a lot to catch up on, Asano-kun."

Behind them, Karma and Nagisa nodded at each other, before pulling guns out from under their desks, aiming either side of Asano and..

BAM!

A tentacle was blown off. In order to protect Asano, Koro-sensei shedded his skin and placed it around his new student.

The plan was working.

The rest of the class stood up and fired endlessly. Now that Ristu had joined their class, their firepower was tenfold what it was. Koro-sensei's face lost the green stripes as he dodged clumsily, slightly flustered from being caught off guard.

"How's the porn mags going, sensei?" Okajima taunted, "I hope you liked the new ones I left!"

"Oh no, I'm so embarrassed!" Koro-sensei wailed, putting his tentacles over his eyes in shame, "you can't know about that! No!"

Despite catching him off-guard, blowing off his tentacle and embarrassing him, Koro-sensei remained alive.

"Ah, I thought we could get you this time," Nagisa lamented before sitting back down.

"It was a good plan, Nagisa-kun," Koro-sensei praised, "catching me off-guard and making me shed my skin like that, very well thought out."

Nagisa smiled, opened his notebook and crossed something off.

Asano sat stock-still in the corner of the room, encased in some slimy blanket. He squirmed uncomfortably, shaking the… _whatever_ it was off him.

"Welcome to class 3-E, Asano-kun."

—

By lunch, Asano had learned that Shiota Nagisa had a record of all Koro-sensei's weaknesses, Akabane Karma hates his guts and Taiga Okajima had a disturbing amount of porn mags in his bag.

His desk was right at the back of the classroom, so he had a good vantage point of the other students. Asano was still sure that no one in this classroom could pose a threat to him, but extra information didn't hurt anybody.

Nagisa was pulled into Karma's lap as soon as he got close. "Karma-kun," he giggled, "how am I supposed to eat lunch?"

"With chopsticks, I'd hope," was Karma's sarcastic reply.

Nagisa giggled, leant back and took a bite of his sandwich. "You're lucky I didn't have time to make breakfast this morning," he grumbled.

"You guys are too cute," Kurahashi gushed.

"I'm not cute," Karma deadpanned.

"Mmm… yes you are!" Nagisa sung.

Karma placed his lunch on the table and drove his fingers into Nagisa's sides mercilessly. Nagisa squirmed and laughed, trying to get away.

"Who's cute?" Karma asked venomously.

"You-ha!-you are!" Nagisa persisted cheekily.

Karma continued to tickle his boyfriend until he relented. "I hate you," Nagisa grumbled, massaging his sore ribs.

"No you don't," Karma stated simply, pulling him closer and kissing him on the cheek. Nagisa tried not to smile but couldn't help it.

"Honestly, it's like I'm not even here!" Kurahashi sighed, a smirk creeping onto her face.

"Ah, sorry Kurahashi-san," Nagisa apologised, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Ever the polite one, I wish I could say the same for Hoarding-Nagisa-kun over there," she drawled sarcastically, and Karma shrugged innocently.

The conversation lapsed and Kurahashi brought up the subject she'd been itching to talk about:

"Weird that Gakshu-kun joined our class, huh?"

Karma scowled. "Nah, he deserved to be taken down a few pegs. Assembly'll be interesting though," he commented.

Nagisa remained silent, glancing over at said boy in the corner of the room.

"Well PE should be good at least," Kurhashi concluded, not wanting to discuss the pompous idiot, "I wonder how he'll react to Nagisa's _assassination affiliation."_

"W-well I wouldn't exactly call it that…" Nagisa chuckled, "but I suppose it's going to end up as my job one day."

Karma smiled and kissed Nagisa's neck, making the blue-haired boy blush bright red. "We'll be quite a pair, won't we?" he mused, "the assassin and the bureaucrat."

"You've already made long-term plans?" Kurahashi asked, surprised. They were in _middle school_ \- most people didn't even know what subjects they wanted to do!

They simply looked at each other and smiled.

"Heeh, who would have guessed that big bad Akabane Karma was such a sap?" Asano mocked, "I guess you're just all bark and no bite, huh?"

"I don't think you have any right to say something like that, Hypocrite-kun," Karma replied, "get back to me when you've killed Koro-sensei."

Nagisa stood up. "Wanna go get some drinks?" he smiled, wanting to avoid having to pull his boyfriend from _yet another_ fight.

The pair walked out just as Koro-sensei was coming down the hallway, sweets piled up to this eyes.

"Got enough sugar there, Koro-sensei?" Nagisa joked, linking hands with an agitated Karma.

"I ran out of money so I had to start into my secret stash," Koro-sensei wailed.

Nagisa giggled and pulled a knife out of his waistcoat, one hand still gripping his boyfriend's and smile painting his face, but as soon as he made to slash Koro-sensei, the knife was out of his grasp, and Koro-sensei was too far away to reach.

"Valiant effort," Karma laughed, "but not good enough."

"Shh, I'll kill him someday," Nagisa replied simply, swinging their linked hands.

"Keep telling yourself that."

—

"Karma-kun, Nagisa-kun, you're late!" Karsuma-sensei scolded.

"Wonder what could have taken you so long? You were only going to get drinks, weren't you?" Tarasaka smirked.

"Well, I wouldn't say we were _only_ getting drinks," Karma remarked slyly.

"Karma-kun!" Nagisa protested, blushing.

The class laughed at Nagisa's embarrassment, while Asano just scowled at the lax atmosphere.

"Aren't you going to scold them for being late?" he interjected, "give them a detention at least?"

Koro-sensei stared at him. "Why?" he asked, as if he honestly had no idea.

 _"Why?"_ Asano spluttered, "because they were _three whole minutes_ late to class!"

"Who shoved a stick up his ass?" Karma muttered.

Koro-sensei looked at where the pair was standing in the doorway and shrugged, it was only three minutes and they didn't miss anything.

Karma smirked at Asano victoriously before kissing Nagisa on the cheek and sitting back down.

Nagisa covered his blush with his hands and sped towards his desk as well, glaring at his smug boyfriend once he sat down.

Class, according to Asano, was boring. He already _knew_ this - he had gone over this in class _weeks_ ago, and everything was going so _slowly_.

Once that horrific math lesson was over, they moved onto english.

Asano strolled into Jelavic-sensei's classroom, head held in the air.

"Hey Bitch-sensei," the class greeted, and Asano spluttered in shock.

 _Bitch-sensei?! How could they get away with calling a teacher that?!_

"Shut up ya brats" Jelavic-sensei snapped as she stood out the front, "today we'll be going over our flirtation techniques, so get into pairs and I'll call you up one by one."

"Jelavic-sensei," Asano called, "what has this got to do with-"

"See? At least he knows how to refer to a teacher, no matter how stuck-up he may be," Jelavic-sensei shouted at the class.

"Word of advice, Gakushu-kun," Kurahashi whispered to him, "Bitch-sensei's not really a teacher, she's an assassin. She's teaching us the english we need to know in order to become good assassins, so just go with it."

Asano stared at her and rolled his eyes, the stupid E-class didn't even have proper teachers, and he was supposed to learn anything here?

"Asano-kun," Jelavic-sensei called, and he moved to the front.

"Try and woo me," she demanded, "come on, class one - you're english should be top notch."

 _She was teasing him._

 _"I r..like yuu,"_ Asano stammered - he was never taught any flirtations in class!

"You expect me to swoon with that?" Jelavic-sensei deadpanned, clearly unimpressed.

"Nagisa! Karma!" she called out, "come up here."

"What's up, Bitch-sensei? Is Virtuoso-kun struggling?" Karma smirked at him, smugness seeping into his tone.

Asano glared back at the red-haired boy.

"Apparently class one doesn't teach you how to flirt," Jelavic-sensei explained with faux boredom - seeing the high-and-mighty Gakushu Asano squirm like this was extremely therapeutic.

Karma sniggered haughtily at the scowling boy next to him.

 _"It's a shame, Honey"_ Karma smirked as he turned to Nagisa, _"because they don't have enough words in any language to portray my feelings for you."_

Nagisa blushed profusely before shaking his head and moved so he was almost touching Karma, his entire form curling in shy attraction.

 _"I bet you won't find words in any language once I'm done with you,"_ he retorted, his tone contradicting the shy persona he had adopted, _"but then again… you never seem to say anything coherent around me anyway…"_

An image flashed behind Asano's eyes - _a snake._

Karma's face flushed red and he covered his face with his arm, before laughing breathily and placing his forehead against Nagisa's.

"Alright, break it up you two, I'm not here to witness a middle-school romance," Jelavic-sensei cut in, waving her hands in a 'shoo' motion until they went back and joined the rest of the class.

He shook his head but the notion wouldn't go away - _Nagisa was a snake that you didn't noticed had encircled you until it was to late._

Asano gulped. For the first time, he was slightly afraid of Shiota Nagisa.

"Scary, aren't they?" Jelavic-sensei's voice interrupted his musings, "I wouldn't underestimate nagisa-kun if I were you, Gakushu Asano-kun."

—

While everyone else was heading outside, Asano was thinking over what Jelavic-sensei had told him.

 _Underestimate Shiota? He's barely noteworthy!_

He got up from his table and walked over to the PE storeroom.

 _I mean,_ he continued, _he looks like a girl, and even before he was in this class he was a weakling!_

Asano threw open the door and scavenged around for a uniform. He saw army gear, various weapons and a box labeled _Failed._

Curious, he crept over to the box and lifted up the lid. Inside were dozens upon dozens of plans - every possibility was considered, and there were side notes scribbled on all of them: _If Korosensei runs left and around the trees, switch #12 and #45,_ or _If one or more tentacles are blown off, half use knives._

He rifled through the plans for a bit, before realising exactly how long he was taking. After giving a hasty glance around the room for spare PE uniforms once again, he jogged back out to the field.

Only Karasuma-sensei was there, setting up targets and laying knives and guns out on a table.

"Why aren't you changed?" he questioned when he saw Asano, "I told you to go get a PE uniform from the storeroom."

"There weren't any there," Asano replied, "just a bunch of army-type jumpsuits and guns."

Karasuma-sensei opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he was cut off.

"Are we going to play volleyball again Karasuma-sensei?" Isogai asked.

He shook his head.

"No, you can either practice accuracy," he gestured to the targets, "or you can spar."

Asano turned to look at the rest of 3-E coming down the hill and gaped.

They were all in army-style jumpsuits.

 _What the actual fuck is happening,_ Asano thought, panicking slightly, _this is a PE class! Not the special ops!_

Karasuma-sensei tapped him on the shoulder. "It's too late for you too change now," he muttered briskly, "just occupy yourself for now and I'll teach you the basics after school."

Asano scoffed as he walked away - there was _no way_ Gakushu Asano, one of the Five Virtuosos, was going to stick around in the End Class long enough to learn _the basics._

He made a beeline for the table and picked up a knife, twirling the slightly unfamiliar object in his hand.

Warping the blade between his fingers, he gazed condescendingly around at the others.

 _"I wouldn't underestimate nagisa-kun if I were you, Gakushu Asano-kun."_

 _Nagisa._

After locating the azure-haired boy, he walked briskly towards him, glaring menacingly.

"Nagisa- _kun,"_ he heard Karma croon as he got closer, "can't we just skip this once?"

Nagisa laughed and Asano's nerves bristled.

"Nagisa-kun," he started in a strong, demanding tone, "spar with me."

"Are you sure?" Nagisa asked dubiously.

Asano nodded haughtily.

Nagisa looked at Karma, a question painted across his face. Karma nodded.

He walked over to the table and picked up a knife. "I'll go easy on you," he promised, "seeing as this is your first time."

Asano scowled. _"You_ go easy on _me?"_ he laughed.

A frown settled on Nagisa's lips, and an agitated haze took over his eyes.

"Okay then."

The pair had gathered a crowd - class E was standing in a circle around them, whispering excitedly.

"Go," Karma ordered.

Nagisa straightened his back and smiled.

Asano faltered - the smile held no bloodlust, no desire to beat him at all.

Just when he started to plan out how he was going to attack, Nagisa ran forward, so fast he almost missed him.

Nagisa put both hands on Asano's shoulders and swung his legs up, knocking him over. When he fell to the ground, Asano could feel his knees digging into his upper back, and the rubber knife against his neck.

 _A snake, coiled around his entire body. Squeezing him slowly, constricting him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move he couldn't do anything to stop him._

"Nagisa wins!" someone shouted from the crowd.

"Was there ever any doubt?" another agreed.

Nagisa's weight lifted off his back and Asano stood up slowly.

"That was fun, Asano-kun," Nagisa smirked, "we should do it again sometime."

With that, he grabbed Karma's hand and ran off to the targets.

"Wha… how…. I don't…" Asano spluttered.

 _What just happened? What is he?_

—

 **Thank you to everyone who actually sat through that.**

 **Please tell me what you thought - did you like it? should I burn it?**

 **As always,**

 **thornsword.**


End file.
